Pieces of Me

I find it amazing how much the past influences my life. A friend of mine would say that the past only affects me as much as I let it, and while that is true, I also find my past shapes who I am today. Indeed, the shadow my life casts upon the ground of time can sometimes be a better representation of who I am now, then the physical form the world sees. I sometimes wish I could let go of some of the things I've been through and just forget they ever happened. I viewed my life's shadow as being burdened by these things, distorted, in pain. And while sometimes the pain is still there, I now strongly feel that if I were to completely remove these things from myself, I would leave gaping holes in my soul. My shadow would not only be distorted, but incomplete and torn. I wouldn't be me. And while that may at times sound appealing, I do not think I would like the person I would be without those experiences. In the past month, I have had to face a lot of things that I thought were distortions and it has been a very challenging experience for me. I've had to learn what things are okay to hold onto and what things need to be let go. That's the hardest part, letting go. It's interesting how I don't want to let go of things that harmed me in the past. It doesn't make any sense, but I know it's true. I don't know why I make it so hard. I think it's because I want to change what happened and save some of the things I lost, some of the people I lost. I see just shells of who I once knew and loved. Actually, I take that back, I still love them; very much. But they are not the same people. I just hope that one day I will be able to look back on these experiences and recognize them for what they are; blessings. I have been shaped and molded into the person I am today because of the things I've experienced. Without all of these things, I would be an incomplete person, I would be missing pieces of myself. So this is a thank you to those individuals in my life who have helped me fill and find those pieces of myself that I couldn't see, or was afraid to seek on my own. I love you all, for who I was, and for who I'm becoming.