I want to live!

I find it amazing how so much time and effort can be put into something, and one day, one hour, can completely destroy it. I ask myself why, over and over again, why is this happening now? What am I supposed to do? I suppose everyone has days or weeks like that. Where life just feels like hell, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. That's the worse part for me, knowing that there is absolutely nothing I can do, that everything is out of my control. I don't know how to push forward, to keep going, to fight what I'm feeling. I guess that is the only thing I can control, is how I react to life. What sucks is the fact that I reach a point where I just don't want to push anymore. I just want a chance to breathe, a chance to try and enjoy life. Enjoy where I am and what I'm trying to accomplish. But there never seems to be time for that. Well, until I snap and just refuse to do anything because I can't take it anymore. That's what happened today. I didn't wake up till 11:30, completely missed my calculus study session (I have a test Monday), and just ate a lot of chocolate and watched a movie. Best day I have had in ages and I don't regret it. Usually I would, but right now I just don't care. I'm tired of not being able to breathe, move, or think without feeling pressure and expectations. I have no idea how to fix that but I can't live like this anymore. I want to find joy in what I'm doing and who I am. I don't know what I have to change in myself to accomplish that, but something needs to change. I refuse to live like this. I just ate a Dove chocolate and the wrapper says, "Engage, embrace, enjoy". That is exactly what I want to do, and somehow I'm going to find the way.